The Mystery Phase: Scary Yet Survivable
It was Summer 2022, a time some would consider “late-” or “post-Covid”. And despite asserting that I was a better, happier person in this new “post” time, I couldn’t ignore a growing, ominous storm of feelings churning in my heart and mind. Like a lot of people, I was increasingly feeling like major aspects of my life just weren’t working for me anymore.
I was trained as a school psychologist, still paying student loans for that training (yowch), and felt a lot of internal pressure to return to what was familiar, now that Covid was “over” and my kids had returned to school. But there was no denying that I had changed during those unpredictable years, that people had changed, and the idea of returning to the public school system was 100% unpalatable. And forget simply going back to my job as a school psych, I felt that I was on the verge of seriously blowing up my life.
I started fantasizing about slipping away in the night, taking on a new name, and driving for days to an unassuming town where people knew me simply as Darla, the sweet yet mysterious waitress at the Cozy Cafe. I was aching for something just, completely different than what I knew. And yes, part of it was post-Covid wanderlust. But part of it was also the fact that I was rapidly transitioning into a phase that many people call THE MIDLIFE CRISIS.
YOU KNOW IT’S DANGEROUS, BECAUSE IT’S CALLED A CRISIS.
Once I had identified that I indeed was having THE MIDLIFE CRISIS, I took to the internet, searching for resources that could help me fix myself, rid myself of this terrible affliction. Social media was full of dramatic stories of spouses suddenly deciding they wanted a divorce, buying the stereotypical sports car, and dating a 20-something while their soon-to-be exes stood in shock, choking on the dust, wondering WTF JUST HAPPENED.
The Internet, which is where we all gather to discuss what’s actually going on in the world, what’s real, was telling me that so. many. relationships. and lives were being ruined by the dreaded midlife crisis.
Thankfully, amidst my growing panic that I too could possibly torch my entire situation, burning myself and everyone around me in the process, I stumbling upon a book. Hidden Blessings: Midlife Crisis As A Spiritual Awakening, by Jett Psaris, was recommended by a kind Redditor who said it changed everything for them. I did like the idea of there being a silver lining to all of this, so I ordered the book and began reading.
In Hidden Blessings, Dr. Psaris made the groundbreaking (for me) suggestion that maybe we should stop calling it THE MIDLIFE CRISIS and instead, call it THE MIDLIFE TRANSITION. And with that simple glass-half-full idea, I began to see my situation differently. What I was going through was normal, and it was my soul sending me a loud, messy message:
You Need To Change Now.
So I did, a little at a time. I went to therapy, and started practicing more honest communication with myself and those closest to me. It slowly became possible to imagine a new, invigorating life that didn’t require blowing up the old life. I put down the matches. I threw out my “Darla” name tag.
There was still a problem, however. After over fifteen years in the world of education, psychological assessment, and IEP meetings, I only knew what I didn’t want to do anymore. I had no idea what I did want in my life. I could imagine what I wanted it to feel like, but not explicitly what the day-to-day would look like. Being an admitted type-A planning junkie, this did not sit well with me. I needed some answers, some direction. And I needed them to come NOW. I shared these feelings with my therapist. “Ah, yes,” she said with a knowing smile.
“You’re in the mystery phase. Possibly an uncomfortable place for someone like you.”
This wise woman defined the “mystery phase” as a period in one’s life where there’s a lot of uncertainty, and more is unknown than known. You’re at a crossroad. In-between jobs or relationships. Lost? I realized upon reflection that I had literally never allowed myself to spend any meaningful amount of time in the mystery phase. I always had a plan, and that suited me just fine, thank you very much. The mystery phase, on the other hand, was nebulous. The answers didn’t come quickly, and there was no answer key to tell me if I had earned an A+. I sought to leave this mystery phase as quickly as possible.
This seems like a good point to mention that the Universe has no concept of TIME. In a hurry? That’s nice. All will be revealed soon enough. When?! I want it now! I literally and figuratively can’t afford to wait! And yet, wait you shall.
Yup, I’ve spent over a year in the mystery phase. And I learned a few things, spending all these months in the dark. For one, the mystery phase gets easier to tolerate over time. The eyes do adjust- a little. Hang out in limbo long enough, and one may start to forget how uncomfortable it initially was. Another fun fact- the mystery is NEVER solved in one exciting, Hollywood-style reveal. “And now, the envelope. Ladies and gentlemen, Michelle was supposed to be…a Reiki practitioner! Yes! Let’s see if she guessed correctly.”
Nope, no dramatic climax in the real world. But there are clues, and they reveal themselves delicately, like a trail of breadcrumbs. I became very good at looking for the breadcrumbs, and following every trail. Some of the breadcrumbs turned out to be rocks, and they had to be returned to the ground. Others seemed to fit with the ones I had already found, somehow. And when I finally remembered to turn around and look back, I was miles from where I had started, down a path that was starting to feel familiar, with something of a crudely drawn map in my hand. And I realized that I wasn’t just in a mystery phase, but rather, MYSTERYLAND. I had tumbled in quite unwillingly, in desperation, but miraculously ended up making a home here.
After settling into this new discovery, I further realized that I had developed a pretty decent set of skills while traveling this bumpy path. I hesitantly saw that I could maybe start turning those skills, and all of those night classes, books, and practices, into a career. I realized with increasing excitement I could definitely fulfill my desire to be an effective helper and healer. And I didn’t have to wait until everything was perfect, until the mystery was 100% solved. I could set up shop right here, in MysteryLand.
Maybe you can too.
Here’s my bottom line: the mystery phase is scary. It can be exciting and inspiring. It can also be messy, ugly, and full of mistakes. But there is a path forward, if you can breathe through the danger of it all. We can do hard things. I believe we incarnate on this planet specifically to do hard things. What do you think? Drop me a line in the comments, and tell me all about it! Better yet, come see me for a Reiki session in San Jose, or a distance session from the comfort of your home, and let’s talk about that move to Mysteryland.
Love,
Michelle