The Silent Meditation Retreat
A few months ago, I realized that my meditation practice needed help. There I was, meditating every day. (Ehhh, every 2-3 days.) I was closing my eyes for 15-20 minutes every single morning. (Practically.) I was faithfully putting in the time at least some of the time. So you can imagine my frustration when, after a while, there still wasn’t anything BIG happening.
Sure, very rarely, I’d close my eyes and easily sink into what I call “the inbetween place”. But most often, my mind was frustratingly full of chatter. I’d close my eyes and “meditate”, which was really just thinking about the following, in no particular order:
Laundry
Politics
Taylor Swift lyrics
The State of Human Consciousness on Earth in 2024
The Kids
Where are they?
Where do I need to drive them today?
Are they doing ok at school right now?
Are they doing ok in general?
Is doing ok enough? Shouldn’t they be thriving?
How do I help them better? Do more?
Is it my job to help or more like, guide?
Why don’t they just want what I want? (Har har)
Etc.
Taylor Swift and how the Eras Tour is going, specifically
Dinner Plans
What is That Sound Outside?
Is it the mailman?
Are they doing road construction again without telling us?
WTF is up with that? We have rights!!
Who do you even complain to about that?
Do you want to complain? Is that maybe a little Karen of you? Could you just let them do their jobs?
Ugh, you’re so annoying sometimes.
And So On and So Forth
Rinse and Repeat
And now I’m thinking about laundry again
Sigh. It was 10% blissful insights and 90% Tortured Poets Department. Yup, my meditation practice needed help. And what better way to improve at meditation than to abandon a casual 15-minute daily practice for a strict 15-hour daily practice? I saw no viable alternative.
Enter: the silent meditation retreat.
Silent meditation retreats offer beginners and teachers alike the chance to disconnect from the daily grind and move our focus inward. By spending several days in silence, space is created to observe thoughts, emotions, and patterns without outside influences. It can serve as a powerful reset for the mind and soul, if you’re brave enough to try it.
But what exactly happens at a silent meditation retreat? Let’s examine the parameters:
The retreat can span 7, 10, 14, or 21 days. (It can also be as short as 3 days, after you’ve completed a longer retreat.)
The experience is “offered freely” by different Buddhist organizations. This means there is no upfront payment; you may make a donation afterwards if you wish. There is no pressure to do so, but most do contribute something. Btw, you do not have to be a practicing Buddhist to attend, and you will be openly welcomed regardless of faith or lack thereof.
Participants are expected to sit the whole retreat. A person can leave to seek medical help, etc. but short of an emergency, plan to stick it out. The teachers and house managers are very experienced in assisting folks who want to quit. They’re angels, really. If you absolutely do want to leave, you will be allowed to do so.
You will have a shared or private room, depending on the location. You will use a shared bathroom. Bathrooms are gendered and non-gendered.
All folks help with chores each day, or during another retreat week, depending on the location. They’re just “regular” chores; no scrubbing toilets with toothbrushes.
All-vegetarian, organic, healthy meals are offered three times per day, with snack options available anytime. Yes, there’s coffee, tea, and water. Yes, there are condiments. In my opinion, the food is delicious.
“Noble Silence” is maintained for most of the retreat. After checking in and getting acquainted with others, Noble Silence begins. This means no talking, miming, meaningful looks or any other form of communication. If a question or comment is absolutely necessary, there is a message board where a note may be left for teachers, house managers, or cooks.
The expectation is that participants will not bring reading or writing material, and will not use their phones or computers for the duration of the retreat. If you’re a junkie who can’t be left to your own devices (see what I did there), you can literally turn your phone in to the house managers, who will keep it locked away for you.
Them’s the basic logistics and rules. Sorry, the logistics and agreements. It’s cool to call them agreements now. And they really are agreements, because you can break them at any time. Truly, you always have the choice; no teacher will pop up and slap your hand with a ruler if you sneak your phone to check email. We’re all adults here! Besides, you’ll really only be letting yourself down if you “cheat”. And that’s worse than getting in trouble, isn’t it?
Is your anxiety around this idea starting to build, perhaps? I get it. You may be wondering, if I’m on retreat, and I’m not working, driving, talking, and doom scrolling all day, what exactly am I doing?
If you’re a bit Type-A like me, I bet you’d love a schedule detailing specifically what a typical retreat day involves. Maybe you’ve noticed that most articles on the topic don’t list out the entire day’s events with start times and end times. Sure, that can be frustrating. Are you hoping I’ll finally be the one to spill the proverbial beans? (Ooo side note spoiler alert- there are SO many beans at a meditation retreat.)
One reason you may feel like you NEED schedule information is because your mind really appreciates concrete “facts” that helps it maintain a sense of control.
The thing is, meditation retreats are all about helping the mind relinquish that control. I truly believe that by sharing explicit schedule information with you, I might be doing a little damage, or at least, would not be helping you get into the spirit of things. Plus, I don’t want to scare you. (Heh, heh.)
Instead, I’ll share some more bullet points with the intention of giving you an outline, but not pulling back the veil completely. Here’s generally what you can expect:
The day starts early. Wake up time varies depending on location, but it is before 6 a.m.
Meditation begins early. It is the first activity of the day.
Time is spent cleaning and doing chores to help maintain a functioning center. This might take up 60-90 minutes of the day.
There are scheduled meal times, usually with downtime afterwards. Nothing is done in a rush, and there is plenty of time to eat and take care of your hygiene and movement needs. I often showered and/or did yoga after breakfast, for example.
The meditation periods occur at literally all other times of the day (and night). In my situation, there were alternating periods of group meditation in a hall and “walking” meditation, done individually, although that is not the case at all retreats. The last sit generally ends after 9 p.m.
After the first few days, there are opportunities to talk/listen. Dharma talks are given daily by a teacher, and there are small group and individual meet-ups with teachers during which you may get your questions answered and share your experience, minimally. These events take up another 60-90 minutes of the day in total.
In my experience, if you choose not to attend every single sit, that’s okay. There’s flexibility for you to do what you think you need to do. But it’s very important to note that this is not at all the case at all retreats. Several fellow participants shared that other retreat centers require 100% participation; if you’re not on your mat for a sit, they will come find you!
Essentially, participants spend about 10 hours meditating per day. For me, that was broken down into periods of 30, 45, and 60 minutes. It sounds like a lot, but I promise- it is manageable. I was meditating for 15-20 minutes per day before the retreat, remember? And I successfully completed a week-long experience. If I can, with my mind spewing endless Taylor Swift lyrics into my consciousness, I know- KNOW- that you can do this thing.
If you do decide to take the plunge, the payoff can be huge.
I went into the experience expecting to have my mind chatter problem 100% solved by the end of the week. That was a naive expectation. In fact, because everything in the environment was so new, my mind chatter was significantly higher during the first few days. New people, new environment, new activities, new food, etc. This gave my overactive brain plenty of new STUFF to think about.
But after three days, things changed significantly. I was able to calm my nervous system and, in the process, discovered an inner peace and bravery that I did not know I had. I had to do some really challenging things, and I had to do them alone. This led to the realization that I am significantly stronger than I thought I was, in a lot of ways. Knowing that is incredibly helpful in moving forward in my regular life.
I also learned that my usual 15-minute meditation periods weren’t nearly long enough to get me to the place I was trying to visit- the inbetween place. During the retreat, it regularly took my mind at least 20 minutes to calm itself. The good stuff happened after that. I’ve now (tried) to make time for a minimum of 45 minutes of meditation each (every other-ish) day. And when I am able to sit for that period of time, magic is born. I get insights during the meditation, sure, but it also improves my intuition and healing abilities when I’m not meditating. Sort of like how lifting weights helps you burn calories even when you’re not working out.
Of course, your mileage may vary in terms of the benefits of a silent meditation retreat. The bottom line is this- I urge you to just go for it if the idea resonates with you. There’s so much to gain and it’s just such a cool experience. I will definitely be signing up for another retreat in the future; I hope to make it at least an annual thing. I hope to see you there! And please, reach out if you want to chat more about retreats, meditation, and (of course) Reiki. 🙂
Love,
Michelle